Therapy / Counselling by Dr. Louise Aznavour, PhD Psychologist, Montreal-Canada

HUMOR ON DEMAND

LAUGH DAILY

 Alzheimer or AIDS: You Decide

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

"Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Saint Agnes Laboratory. We have lab results from 2 different Mr. Sanders  and we are not sure which one is your husband’s. Frankly both results are terrible, one tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other tested positive for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your husband’s."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"We recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him."

  True Story Reported on CNN

A woman wakes up at night and sees her television set on fire. Immediately she calls the fire department. They rush over to her house. The fire is extinguished…with the ‘remote control’!

  Not Me!

Waiting room gossip among patients: "….While waiting at the office for my first appointment with a new dentist, I noticed the dentist’s diploma and remembered a handsome boy with the same name from my high school class 40 years ago. Could this be the same boy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Seeing the dentist full of wrinkles, I decided he was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm …or could he??? After the examination, I asked him if he had attended MP High School.

‘Yes, I did’ he said ‘Why do you ask?’.  I exclaimed: ‘Wow, you were in my class!’

And it is exactly then that ugly, old, balding, wrinkled, son-of-a-bitch said: ‘What did you teach?’…."

  They Are Thieves

One patient to another: "I got the bill for my surgery which I’ll pay until the day I die. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks during the operation!" 

  Get out of the car!

A true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota,Florida…An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, returning to her car, found four males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and pulled her handgun, screaming at the top of her voice: "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!!!!"

The four men got out and ran like mad.The lady was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition and then it dawned on her why…..For the same reason she did not  understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs in the  front seat…

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces further down. She drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant couldn’t stop laughing pointing to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair and carrying large handgun. No charges were filed.

The morale of the story: If you’re going to have a Senior Moment, make it memorable! 

Visit Funny Face often as you can.

Build Laughter Muscles:

Childlike and uncontrolled laughter deep from the belly is good for you.

This is not a weak ‘hi, hi, hi’ with hand over mouth as if apologizing. If others look at you puzzled, tell them you are practicing your vocal cords. And you know what, this is true.

• Pilobolus
   

Want to stay childlike? Want to be creative? Watch and learn from PILOBOLUS performing modern dance. - 3 min -

  Did he or didn’t he?

A conservative mother gives a surprise visit to her young son attending university in a different country. The son opens the door accompanied by a beautiful girl. He explains to his startled mother that this girl is just a roommate sharing the cost of the apartment. The mother says nothing.

When the visit is over, the mother goes back to her country finding an e-mail waiting for her from her son: “Dear mother, my roommate noticed that since your visit our silver sugar bowl is missing. I am not saying that you took the sugar bowl, and I am not saying that you did not take it, however, since you came the sugar bowl has disappeared.

A day later, the son receives an e-mail: “Dear son, I am not saying you are sleeping with the girl, and I am not saying that you are not sleeping with the girl, however, if she slept in her bed, she would have found the sugar bowl under her pillow."

  Illuminati - If the Price Is Right

"Doctor, doctor, you’ve got to help me. I really don’t know what I want out of life. Can you tell me how much I will pay you to find out?

 

  This Joke’s on Psychologists

A psychologist gives tests to a patient to interpret ink-blots as abstract images. In the first image the patient sees a couple having sex in bed. In the second, a couple is having sex on a mountaintop. In the third image the patient sees two people having sex in an airplane…

The psychologist: "Wow, you are seeing sex everywhere!"

The patient: "Well, you are the one with all those dirty pictures!!"